I’ve kept a journal since I could write. Of course, when I was little, it was a “diary.” Now, it’s this blog. I’ve discovered great peace, comfort, and inspiration in being able to share my emotional experiences with my friends, family, and loved ones. I then realized I could spread peace, joy, and love to a wider audience through the web. It is my hope that my writings inspire you to push through your own moments of mud and bloom into your dream lotus flower.
Before I knew what depression was, my best friend moved across the country. Before I knew what anxiety was, I was scared to go to the bathroom during class. Before I knew I needed extra help emotionally, I read self- improvement books. Now that I have pushed through a lot of emotional mud, my lotus flower has bloomed on the other side of a diagnosis.
Going through all the muck and mire to learn that my brain struggles with depression and anxiety was not easy. There were times I wanted to quit, but thanks to my education, faith, and family, I’m still here to tell my story, live my dream, and inspire others.
In April of 2013, I had a breakdown. I began crying uncontrollably, experienced bad thoughts, and reached out for help because something was seriously wrong. This led to my mom bringing me to the emergency room. I didn’t realize this would lead to me being admitted; I was just going through the motions.
Being told I would be in the psych ward was one of the scariest moments of my life. Curled in the fetal position of a hospital table, sobbing in my mom’s arms, she comforted me with a strong embrace and loving words: Coly, these are the answers we’ve been looking for. You knew something wasn’t right, you’ve been saying it and we’ve been trying to find the answers… here is where we get the answers. This is a good thing. This is the answer to our prayers and efforts.
He really works in mysterious ways!
I stayed in the hospital for over a week and was discharged on miracle medicine that cleared the fog of my brain – is this how I was suppose to feel? Is this how others feel all the time? My brain had gone from feeling like a dirty chalkboard – erased and re- written on thousands of times with doodles and notes to remember – to a clean white board, ready to take on the world.
Now that I know what I am dealing with, I am better suited to care for myself. I know which tools work for me and which ones don’t. I know what to avoid, and what to seek out. Most importantly, I have a support system filled with people who help me get through any more muck, mire, and mud I may encounter. My emotional health lotus has bloomed, and I love helping others along their own lotus journey of mental health.