I thought I knew everything I needed to know about love as a late 20- year- old female. Some languages have multiple words for different kinds of love, say it often, say it and mean it, there is something in everyone to love, love is grief with no where to go, there is great power in special love. Love comes in all shapes and sizes, and so on and so forth. When I put RENT on this evening, I expected to get a little emotional. I was in the play and it was incredibly moving and poetic for the time of my life. For the first time since my performance, the movie brought me to tears for different reasons.
As Mimi gave her eulogy at Angel’s funeral, I thought of my mom.Our mom had always told us: When I was little I knew that I wanted to have five kids and that I would marry a Steve, Jim, or Mike. Of course, I didn’t know I would get the BEST Jimmy and the five best little kiddles in the whole wide world.
And we were her world.
Does Mom want to be where she is? Doesn’t she miss us? These questions came to me today during my reiki session today and the answer came quickly, loud and clear: She’s still here. She’s an active angel as they say. And I know when I feel her, I should embrace the moment and enJOY it, but sometimes it’s hard. I miss her. It’s hard to be in the moment when the moment feels like she’s here but I can’t embrace her. This is my struggle.
When Collins sang his love song for Angel, it’s no wonder I cried harder. For me, the lines of the song that stuck out for me most weren’t lines of romance, but lines of love and I love about art is that you can take what you want from it and leave the rest.
Live in my house, I’ll be your shelter… just pay me back with one thousand kisses. I’ll cover you. I’ll be there and I’ll cover you. I think they meant it, when they said you can’t buy love, now I know you can’t rent it… one life, all my life. You’ve got one nickel only. I’ll cover you. 525,600 minutes. 525,600 seasons of…. love.
I can just see toddler Coly giggling uncontroablly as Mom kissed her all over. Sweet, sweet memories… So, these are the lines I take, and I’ll leave the rest for another day.