For the past week I have diligently been blogging at the same time and at the same place. This is major for me. Other than attending work, there is nothing I do consistently. (Having a routine freaks me out because I’ve watched too many crime shows over the years and I don’t want any deranged individual to be able to target me! #crazyfear) Today, I went to the same place, at the same time, but sat in a different seat. I wanted to be near the sun. I was so happy to see the sun today and feel her warmth. Well, she brought some pizazz to my day…
When I sat down to write, I wasn’t in the mood. I didn’t let this upset me though, I had been doing a good job at writing and the spirit just didn’t move me to do it at that time, so I didn’t. Instead, I researched beads for my company. It went okay, I didn’t make a lot of decisions, but good head way was made. I was satisfied.
Unsure if time, energy, and inspiration would work together at a later time, I accepted that I may not post today and went to work. Work was good because I was able to take the time at my desk to be creative. I feel a complete difference in my being when I have time and space to create – it’s everything to me. So, after a good shift at work, I walked outside with my coworker, as we turned the corner to our cars, I saw the most beautiful crescent moon I have ever seen.
I gasped, I exclaimed, I giggled. It was wonderful! Not only could you see the perfect outline of the full moon, but it was huge. The crescent of the moon was a silver but its shine was breathtaking. My reaction was pure. I felt it, so I said it, because it’s important, because I’m important. I allowed myself to be myself. I giggled because I know my mom would have reacted in a similar way. I felt her spirit.
As I was driving home, the beautiful sight of the moon was distracting. I kept my eyes on the road and wondered if I would be able to see it from my bungalow. What would the view be there? Once I turned onto my street, I gasped again. The moon was directly in front of me, perfectly framed by all the surrounding houses. What are the odds? I felt her spirit.
I turned my headlights off and admired the sight. When I finally parked, I noticed a package on my front step… I felt her spirit.
I had never gotten a package delivered here before; There’s no mailbox! (I’d wanted to send myself a package to see if it would still arrive, but I was too nervous to try. Adulting + USPS = #thestruggleisreal) One of the last text- versations I had with my mom was about getting a P.O. box. It felt like it should be a simple decision, but I needed my mom’s advice. In one of the last notes she wrote me, she told me to pretend it came to the bungalow. I felt her spirit.
My package was from my cousin. One of my best cousins who lost her dad six years ago, who bartends for my dad, who dreamstorms in the kitchen with me, who enjoys spiritual exploration like I do, who chose my mom to be her confirmation sponsor. Didn’t I see a post or two today about it being “Godchild Day”….? I felt her spirit.
I opened the box and found a handwritten heart- felt note on a simple and pretty card. I felt her spirit.
The card doubled as a thoughtful gift! It contained a temporary tattoo. I had just been re – thinking a tattoo I’ve wanted to years which lead me to think about temporary tattoos. Then one appeared on my doorstep. I felt her spirit.
There were two wrapped packages in the box. The first was beautiful wind chimes made out of blue stones. (Trish, CMIIW: it’s blue agate.) I. Love. Stones. Their colors and healing powers fascinate me. I had just been in a store the other day looking at exquisite dream catchers, but none of them were worth the price tag. My favorites had been those with stones. I had just been to another store too, and mentioned to my friend how the nice stone warrants the price of an expensive necklace, but that it is totally worth it. Then, this beautiful piece ended up on my doorstep. I felt her spirit.
The last box contained a bunch of beauty samples taken from one of the multiple subscription boxes that my cousin gets from all those companies that are in vogue now. Although I am very dedicated to my Beauty Counter, my 20% includes make up. I had also just been planning a trip to the beauty store earlier because I needed more mascara and liquid eyeliner. I’d been putting it off as long as possible because it’s not a necessity. But, there is a family wedding this weekend – the first one without my mom – so I have been emotionally and logistically preparing all week. Lo and behold, mascara and liquid eyeliner appeared on my doorstep. I felt her spirit.
Time, energy, and inspiration coincided and I sat down to write this post. I’ve been working to open up my heart to my mom’s spirit. Tonight has been my nudge to keep working; I’m on the right path. As I was writing, I referenced her letter. I re- read it and that nudge became a shove.
I am not meant to have a rigid routine. I need each day to bring something new. It’s not my crazy that doesn’t like routine, it’s my soul. I was not made to be tame.
I feel her spirit.