Dear Ed Sheeran,
Thank you for releasing your album today. I can’t imagine how much work goes into it, but your timing – in my life – is perfect. It was a rough week. Turns out, listening to “Supermarket Flowers” while doodling is just what I needed.
This week the notion that “my beautiful, fit, healthy, loving, exuberant mom… is gone,” sunk in on *another* new level. This thought has continued to roll around in my brain and my heart on a strange replay.
I feel so happy when I think of her. She brought me so much joy, showed me so much love, and taught me so much. Not only that, but she understood me, she stood up for me, and she knew everything about me – she really did.
Remember that time in grade school? We were on the black top, it was recess. Someone whispered and quickly – as little catholic school girls would – followed up with “AND DON’T TELL ANYONE!… Nicole, you can’t even tell your mom.” We were by that little tree and I remember it like it was yesterday. As a child, scared of my own voice, hearing my name in such a way would have sent that uncomfortable shiver all down my spine, but this time it didn’t. There was no part of me that felt that statement was out of place. I was going to tell her. I did tell her.
I have been finding her joy, love, and lessons in everyday life. Some come when I look in the mirror, others come in the form of text messages, and the really lucky ones are the ones that come from other people. The most exciting part is, it’s not just in my family and circle of close friends. I met my personal trainer (came with my gym membership!) for the first time two days ago, and felt so much love and joy while I was learning. When I did break down, I got a hug. Yes, I accepted a hug from someone I had just met and yes, it was a good one.*Cough, Cough, Tuma*
Ed, your song feels like a note from heaven. I once read that angels use electricity a lot to communicate. I take signs whenever I feel them because I know my mom would be right alongside me, also discovering the significance in the simple things that come up. So, I started my “Momma Love” playlist on YouTube to keep the songs she loved and the songs she would have loved together; I listen to it when I miss her.
Thanks for writing me a title song for this season’s soundtrack.
Special Love Always,
P.S. We’re big fans.